A Friends fan theory explains why Ross’ son Ben disappeared from the show and uses it to explain the character’s over-the-top evolution.
Friends is nominally a sweet-natured and goofy show on the surface, focusing on the lives of six charming friends living in New York City around the turn of the century. There are a lot of dark layers hidden in the backstories of the cast, with fan theories further expanding the potentially dark elements of the show’s world. One Friends fan-theory explains why Ross stopped seeing his son Ben in the show, suggesting that Ross’ flanderization into a more petty and volatile man over the course of the series led to him losing custody of his son.
One of the main recurring plot-lines for Ross in the early seasons of Friends was his relationship with his ex-wife Carol and his son Ben. Although the pair had been married, Carol coming out led to them splitting on amicable terms. While Ben wasn’t a fixture in Ross’ life, he still played a part in the boy’s life, especially in his early youth. However, as the seasons progressed and Ross — along with the rest of the cast — became more comically over-the-top, Ben began to appear less and less.
Ross’ Growing Anger Problems Across Friends
The fan theory from Reddit user D.F. Lovett suggests that Ross’ emotional issues over the years — which only escalated with each passing season — resulted in him losing custody of Ben. If Ben was fully taken in by Carol and her partner, it would explain why Ross saw his son less and less over the years.
It would be an understandable decision, given some of the bizarre lengths the character would go, and how much the show plays up his comically over-the-top anger, even when it had genuine real consequences for the character. Episodes would frequently hint at the character having anger issues, with Ross eventually being suspended and eventually fired from his position at a museum because of his explosive outbursts.
Friends Made It Seem Like Ross Didn’t Care About Fatherhood
The initially awkward and endearing Ross evolved into a far more petty and mean-spirited character as the series went on, and the character was frequently shown to still have issues regarding sexuality and gender roles, despite seemingly coming to terms with his ex-wife being in a committed relationship with another woman. In Season 3’s “The One With the Metaphorical Tunnel,” Ross reacted poorly to his son playing with a Barbie doll, and he would later prevent Rachel from hiring a male nanny in Season 9’s “The One With the Male Nanny” because being a man in a traditionally feminine position was, in Ross’ own words, “weird.” The theory suggests that Carol, eventually growing exhausted with Ross and his “nice guy syndrome and homophobic snickering,” eventually went for full custody of Ben.
Ross ultimately didn’t fight for custody enough for his closest friends to notice, and he may have even surrendered parental rights entirely. He effectively became a non-factor in his son’s life. Instead of trying to further bond with Ben, Ross instead threw himself even more fully into his personal life, with this life change potentially even explaining Ross’ escalating emotional issues.
As the years went on, Ross’ status as a father was downplayed in lieu of his romantic entanglements and job problems, which suffered from his increasingly volatile outbursts. Toward the end of the series, Ben and Rachel even have a daughter, Emma, yet Ben is never shown meeting his sister on-screen. While the character is mentioned by Ross, he doesn’t appear again after Season 8.
It’s a dark but fitting theory, explaining why Ben disappeared in a realistic and dour manner that undercuts the more goofy comedy mined from Ross’ anger issues over the series. Even Cole Sprouse, who played Ben, has commented on Ross’ terrible history as a father during a video segment with GQ — suggesting this theory might be closer to a well-thought-out truth than the show creators may have realized.
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